Current Giveaways

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Drea's Reading So You Don't Have To - Sex w/Machines


 
Title: Taken By The Toaster: An Inanimate Love Story
Author: Dick Thumper
Length: Short Story (12 pages)
Genre: Erotica?
Buy: Amazon
Rating: 1.5-star

Official Blurb

You'll never look at your toaster the same way again...
John unwraps his present on Christmas day to see that his parents have bought him a toaster. But this isn't just any toaster...this toaster accepts WIDE slices.
John's insatiable lust for his kitchen appliance comes to a bread head when he finally satisfies his desires of being Taken By The Toaster and the two engage in a steamy bout of "Setting 1" love-making.
The Reviews Are Already In!
"Honey, this is the strangest thing you've ever written." Mother.
"When are you moving out again?" Father
Critics are calling it "Shit," but who ever listened to a critic? Look Inside and gird your loins. You're in for a wild ride.
Drea's Review:
This is a tongue-in-cheek short story about a nerd whacking off with his brand new Christmas present--a wide lipped toaster. That's basically the whole of it. Except, well, the nerd is an asshole living in his parent's basement (seriously, he's completely rude). There's no love story in this and the "erotic" part is clearly written by a guy...since there's more effort spent on providing us with metaphors for the MCs dick size (candy-bar-sized?) than anything else. That said, the writing mechanics aren't horrible. So if you see this for free (I did) and need something ridiculous to pass a few minutes, grab it. Otherwise stay awaaaayyyyy.



 
Title: In Bed with the Transforming Alien Robot
Author: Crystal Lattis
Length: Short Story (58 pages)
Genre: Erotic romance
Buy: Amazon
Rating: 3-star

Official Blurb

Famous actress Lana Caine is tired of being objectified by men. Only Blaze, her undercover transforming alien robot housemate, seems to see her as more than just a sex symbol. She has finally realized just how much she wants him--in her life and in her body. But though they've been living together for a year as part of a top-secret government operation, Lana isn't sure of Blaze's feelings for her. If she opens herself up, will it mean rejection from the one alien she truly cares for? Or will Blaze return her love and take her on a journey that will leave them both breathless? (If alien robots actually breathed, that is.)
In Bed with the Transforming Alien Robot is a 15,000-word erotic transforming alien robot romance. 

Drea's Review:
If you're looking for another tongue-in-cheek erotic story about sex with a machine like the last one, this is not it. Nor is the story handled in a humorous way. This is an erotic romance featuring...in essence a Transformer like Bumblebee. And somehow it kind of works. The author explains that these aren't machines, they're aliens who look like our machines. They don't feel like metal, but rather something a little softer and much warmer. The robot, Blaze, has feelings of his own and seems like a person, so you can sometimes forget you're reading about a chick going to town with a robot. The first part of the story is spent covering how they hurt each other's feelings. That humanized the alien and made it easier for me to believe the romance. And then of course is the make-up sex. With a car. And then with his robot version. *hangs head* Yeah, I read it all. And I'd read the next one if it were free, too.

Challenge updates:  

These both count toward the New to You! challenge. I'm only counting the Transforming Robot story as an erotic romance because the toaster short story was just about masturbation.

Here are the counts:
New To Me - 13
Erotic romance - 8

New to You Reading Challenge  

17 comments:

  1. A toaster ?!!!?!! Bwahahahaha !! Hopefully, it wasn't plugged or else... Bwahaha again ! Ah thank you, you brightened my day :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Uh huh *rolls her eyes*
      And no, it wasn't plugged in. Phew!

      Delete
  2. Had to laugh at these, toaster and transformer *shakes head* That cover for Taken by the Toaster is entertaining though :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know right! Fortunately the story only took a few minutes to read.

      Delete
    2. At least it was free (it's now $0.99), I don't think I'd pay anything for 12 pages :/

      Delete
    3. Definitely do NOT pay for that lol

      Delete
    4. Ha! Well, thanks for reading these so I don't have to. The toaster one sounds like a miss but the transformers one sounds like it at least has some meat to it and isn't just a kid abusing his kitchen appliance. Besides, if he's living at home with his parents... why did he need a toaster anyways?

      Delete
    5. Good question. As I recall, the parents were not so subtly suggesting he move out and get his own place. So the toaster was a housewarming + Christmas gift.

      Delete
    6. HaHaHa Well that failed miserably.

      Delete
  3. Bwahaha!!!! Oh my God, thank you SO much for the laugh! I think I could never bring myself to read these kind of books, but I'm always curious to know others' opinions and I appreciate your reviews, Drea. Definitely glad you didn't have to pay for that story, btw!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's what Melissa and I are here for: taking the literally bullet for y'all ;)
      I was shocked how not-stucky the transformer one was lol. It made up for the toaster book...

      Delete
  4. LMAO! Dick thumper? A non-robot robot? Wow. If we're neighbors I'll totally give you chocolate for enduring these intellectually insulting tales.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. *nods gravely* I scanned my Kindle for the stories with the least dots (shortest) and saw those, soo... figured they'd be a quick review post.

      Delete
  5. OMG, the authors name!! Entertaining reviews, thanks. ROFL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No problem. Thank you for stopping by :)

      Delete
  6. Wow ... I know what books I'm getting my friends for Christmas this year. :D

    ReplyDelete